![]() But as soon as we sailed past the breakers, we whipped out our pistols and announced our true intentions.Īt this point, the crew got angry at the Captain for crewing us, and he got defensive-like, and said, “how was I supposed to know these gentlemen were pirates?” And his crew pointed out some “red flags” me and Rotten Pete be having, like our peg legs, and our eye patches, and the parrot I be keeping on me shoulder, which always be saying, “shiver me timbers,” which be a pretty pirate thing to say. We’d hornswoggled the Captain into crewing us by claiming we was common merchant seamen. Our tale begins on the Delicious, a three-mast frigate built for shipping sugar biscuits. And everyone gives us dirty looks, because our table be loud, but we do not care, because we be pirates, and what makes pirates pirates is we only ever think about ourselves. Then we go somewhere that be open early serving breakfast. When we capture a prize, we spend all the plunder on grog and sing shanties ’til dawn. But other than that, he has no weaknesses, and like me, in his heart there be no mercy, just the black ice, like how I be having.įor years, the two of us have been charting a bloody course across the briny blue, looting every schooner fool enough to drift into our ken. ![]() One thing about him is that he be lactose intolerant, and so there be certain things he can’t be eating. He’s got a black beard right up to his eyes and he loves to keep it slick with dead men’s blood. ![]() I’ve seen him stab his peg leg through his brother’s screaming face, just to have himself a laugh. Rotten Pete is so rotten, he’d sell his mother for a piece-of-eight. The only man I trust is me First Mate, Rotten Pete the Scoundrel, and I only trust him as far as I can keep me eye peeled on his hook hand. I am Black Bones the Wicked, the most evil, fearsome pirate ever known. Even if recycling be made easy for me, like there be a bin right there, and it be labelled “recycling,” I be throwing me bottle in the regular garbage. When I’m done with a bottle, I just be throwing it out. When I strike, I take no quarter, for there be no mercy in me heart, just cold, black ice. I would sooner cut a hundred throats than heed one order from a living man.
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